The Merseyside Mirror: When Soccer Taught Me About Accountability

i'm a soccer fan, though i'll be the first to admit i'm terrible at actually playing the game.

i didn't grow up with cleats on my feet, but somewhere along the way, i got my coaching license and found myself on the sidelines, guiding young players through the beautiful game. And as a fan, my heart has belonged to Liverpool for over twenty years, through the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

This past weekend was the Merseyside Derby, that emotional clash between Liverpool and our crosstown rivals, Everton. As the final whistle blew, the familiar post-match theater began. Players surrounded the referee, voices raised in protest. Coaches gestured wildly from the touchline. But it was David Moyes's post-match press conference that really stood out to me.

Now, i respect Moyes. He's been coaching at the highest level for years, weathering the storms that come with managing in the Premier League. But as i watched him speak to the press, something about his tone made my stomach turn. He wasn't just frustrated, he was deflecting. Every complaint focused outward, the referee's decisions, the lack of stoppage time, how the system seemed built for Liverpool to succeed while working against Everton.

Here was a coach whose team had every advantage they could ask for. While Liverpool had been grinding through three matches in a single week, Everton was rested and fresh. They'd had time to prepare, time to study film, time to work on the defensive breakdowns that led to both goals they conceded. Instead of addressing any of that, Moyes fixated on stoppage time, as if 2 more minutes would have erased all their tactical shortcomings.

i found myself laughing at the absurdity of it. "You silly, silly man," i thought, watching this accomplished coach blame everyone but himself and his players for their performance.

But then the laughter died…

The recognition hit me like a blast of cold water right to the face. How many times had i done exactly the same thing? A few months earlier, at 33 Sticks we lost a sales deal to a larger Adobe partner, and i'd found myself spiraling into the same toxic pattern. The prospect was "easily manipulated," i told myself, they'd fallen for that tired "bigger is better" mentality. Adobe was rigging the game, creating a marketplace that favored their pet agencies while leaving smaller partners like us fighting for scraps.

Sound familiar? It should. i was doing exactly what i'd just mocked Moyes for doing, blaming the referees, blaming the system, blaming everyone except the person who actually had control over the outcome.

Years earlier, i was coaching a U14 girls team, and during one particularly frustrating match, i'd let my emotions get the better of me. i was arguing calls, questioning the referee's judgment, and eventually earned myself a yellow card for my sideline antics. As we walked off the field after a disappointing loss, someone, i can't even remember who now, delivered a line that burned itself into my memory.

"Winners train, loser complain."

That was a punch to the gut. In that moment, i felt completely seen, and completely ashamed. These young girls had been watching their coach, their supposed leader, model exactly the wrong behavior. While i should have been teaching them resilience, accountability, and the power of focusing on what they could control, i'd been showing them how to point fingers and make excuses.

i was failing them as a leader.

That moment took me all the way back to college, when i first encountered the teachings of Lao Tzu in the Tao. One verse in particular echoes through my mind whenever i catch myself slipping into blame mode. It goes something like this: "Failure is an opportunity. If you look to blame others, there is no end to the blame. Therefore the Master fulfills her own obligations and corrects her own mistakes. She does what she needs to do and demands nothing of others.” She does what she needs to do and demands nothing of others.

“She does what she needs to do and demands nothing of others.”

The wisdom is brutally simple. When we choose blame, we choose powerlessness. We hand over control to external forces - referees, prospects, competitors, systems, politicians - and convince ourselves that our success depends on their choices rather than our own. But masters, true winners, they look inward first. What could I have done better? Where can I improve? What skills need sharpening? How do I ensure this doesn't happen again?

The most elite performers, whether they're athletes, coaches, or sales professionals, share this common trait, they take responsibility. They don't waste energy complaining about the referees when they could be training harder, studying film, or perfecting their craft.

The next time i catch myself wanting to blame the prospect for "not getting it," or Adobe for "stacking the deck," or any external force for my shortcomings, i’ll remember David Moyes in that press conference. i’ll remember those U14 girls watching their coach lose his composure. i’ll remember the simple truth that winners train, losers complain.